Last month I was contacted out of the blue by a BBC journalist who had read my post ‘Almost Alcoholic‘. She was writing an article about the same thing and wondered if she could interview me. We chatted on the phone for a while and then I forgot all about it. As a journalist myself I know that not everyone you speak to makes the final edit. Stories often get dropped or overtaken by other news. So it was a bit of a surprise when I woke up on yesterday morning to find lots of emails and comments from people who’d read this:
I think it’s a great, thought-provoking article, published at just the right time. I know that right now, in the second week of January, there will be thousands of people wondering (and worrying) about their relationship with alcohol. These are people who looked at the wine glass in their hand on New Year’s Eve and vowed to cut down on their alcohol consumption. Perhaps they decided to sign up for charity events such as Alcohol Concern’s Dry January or Cancer Research UK’s Dryathlon. That’s what I did last year. I lasted a whole 7 days before I fell off the wagon. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. Lots of my friends were also doing it and they seemed to be having an easy-peasy time staying sober. Having ‘liked’ Dry January on Facebook my news feed was filled with irritating, “You-can-do-it!” type posts, which I read everyday, whilst drinking and googling “Am I an alcoholic?”
As a result of the BBC article I’ve gained quite a few new followers and I wanted to say a little hello. Thanks for reading my blog and I really hope it helps in some way. I clearly remember the first sober blog I stumbled across. It was by Unpickled and it was a real ‘ah ha’ moment for me. I sat down, read every post and somehow, something just clicked. So to all the new people, I wanted to say a couple of things.
Firstly and most importantly, being sober is great. If you want to lose weight, sleep better, feel happier and be more confident, then trust me, sobriety will look good on you. Last May I wrote a list of why sobriety rocks. I’m now nine months sober and I could definitely add a few more things to that list.
Not all of my posts are sweetness and light. So if you’re new here, please don’t let any of my slightly downbeat posts put you off. I write honestly about my experiences and in the past nine months I have sometimes found it hard to be young, single and sober in the boozy world we live in. I’ve had to learn how to live life without an off switch. That’s not always easy. And I’ve had to work out how to actually deal with my emotions, rather than just anesthetizing myself with a bottle of wine. But you know, as far as downsides go, that’s been about it. The only other thing I can think of is that I can’t wear really high heels on nights out anymore. Without wine, they start to feel uncomfortable very quickly. And that’s annoying because I have a lot of beautiful shoes.
There are a couple of things that have really helped me get this far. I would highly recommend Jason Vale’s book “Kick the Drink, Easily”. The Allen Carr book is also good. I actually went to a stop drinking seminar at one of his clinics which you can read about here. Every week I listen to the Bubble Hour podcast because it’s brilliant. I read lots of blogs, as you can see from my blogroll. Last, but not least, at the very beginning I took part in Belle’s 100 day sobriety challenge. If you go to her site here you will find out all about sober cars and dehydrating the Wolf. The challenge goes against the AA ‘one day at a time’ way of living but hey, I’m just telling you what worked for me. Once I realised that I needed to make a long-term, permanent change to my drinking habits I found the idea of stopping for a hundred days much less scary than the idea of stopping ‘forever’.
Talking of AA, what the BBC article doesn’t mention is that I actually went back to AA last summer for about a month. I had a much better experience the second time round and met some truly wonderful people. So it’s kind of hard to explain why I stopped going. I guess it just didn’t feel quite right and I didn’t feel like I really needed it because I was getting all the support I needed online. But I know lots of other people who blog and go to AA. So each to their own.
I am going to end this post with a link to a video that I’ve posted before but it always makes me smile: Sh*t normies say to 12 steppers
If you’re sober you will relate to a lot of it (even if you’re not part of a 12 step programme… )
Tagged: 100 day challenge, AA, AA meetings, alcohol, Allen Carr, bbc news, bubble hour, Dry January, Dryathlon, early sobriety, Jason Vale, sobriety
The Sober Journalist 
That’s fantastic – both your blog and the article. I look forward to all the newbies joining in our supportive community.
I’m still reasonably new to this (25 days) and I haven’t gone down the aa route but I don’t rule it out for the future. For anybody considering aa, there was a fantastic blog post about somebody’s first experience this week. Check it out and it might give you the push you need to give it a try – http://fitfatfood.wordpress.com/2014/01/09/my-first-aa-meeting/
I saw that piece on the BBC magazine yesterday and was very pleased that it featured you. I hope it helps lots of people if it points them to this sober blogosphere. You suggested Sober Norman to me when I asked about blog by blokes and I’ve got loads from reading him. Happy 2014 Kate
Ah great I am going to tell Sober Norman this. I like his writing too.
YES! I read it yesterday–great job! Very cool. And, your blog is such a great resource… xx
Thanks! It’s been very strange seeing myself quoted in an article like that, but the response has been great xx
Dear Kate. I’m a newbie thanks to the BBC article. Thank You for publishing your blog, I’m going through your posts (and comments) in chronological order. I’m not sure where I’m at yet in my journey. I’m probably still a “professional drinker” but I’m finding this very helpful and strangely empowering. So Thank You and I wish you all the best.
Hi Paul, thanks for your comment. Hope the blog helps. As soon as you’re ready just go for it – you will feel so much better when you stop, I promise.
Hi Kate,
I too came via the excellent BBC article, and though I was almost totally dry last year (apart from one frightening 8 1/2 day binge late Spring), I can *totally* relate to exactly where you’re coming from.
You write really well, and more than that, you’re honest -with your readers and with yourself.
I love your subtle sense of humour, too.
Keep up the good work, and I look forward to hearing much more from you this *dry* year!
Have a great 2014!
Thank you for your lovely comment! Sounds like you’re doing great too.
Kate: thanks so much for this. Great post.
Joan B.
Thanks!
I’m another one who came to your blog via the BBC article. I’m trying to massively reduce my drinking, without being totally dry as I live abroad, in a culture where alcohol marks all social events. So far so good, but finding this blog has given me such a confidence boost and belief in what I’m doing. Thank you so much.
Thank you Margaret. I tried that as well but always found moderation too difficult. I’d be interested if it works for you? Let me know how you get on.
Very glad that I stumbled across the BBC article the other day. Your writing has given me strength and shelter. Currently standing at the bar, drinking solo. Desperately want to change; and think I will very soon. I plan, as I do so often, for tonight to be the last night of this behaviour. Thinking positive.
Will keep you updated.
Go for it Emmet! Think of all the benefits, it will definately be worth it and you are not alone
🙂
I agree with Anonymous – you should go for it Emmet! What have you got to lose? Why don’t you try not drinking for a month? You can always start drinking again if you really want to. During the 30 days, make sure you do a lot of reading and surround yourself with sober blogs and good support. Then see how you feel.
I too discovered your blog via the BBC & read the whole thing in one sitting. A great read and well done for staying sober.
I’ve been teetotal now for several years and I love it! It’s the best thing I ever did next to giving up smoking. I was a binge drinker and the only way I could control it was by stopping completely.
I find it pretty straight forward not to drink now mainly because my social life doesn’t revolve around going to the pub or clubs. All my friends know I don’t drink and never hassle me about it.
When I am in situations where everyone is drinking I feel great ‘cos it’s like I’ve got this super power: I don’t need alcohol, whereas everyone else doesn’t seem to be able to go without. And yes I allow myself to feel a little smug because it has taken some strong will power and determination and having to face reality straight on to get to this point.
But I don’t know a single other person that doesn’t drink! That’s why it was so great discovering this blog and finding out that actually there is a community of people out there that are living their lives without alcohol. It’d be nice to have a few teetotal friends I think.
I love your take on this and the whole super power angle. You’re so right. Often on nights out and stand there thinking that it’s a bit sad that the only way people can have a good time is to get drunk. I’ve found a good night is a good night, regardless of alcohol, and a bad night is still a bad one even if you get totally smashed. There’s a website you might like to look at called Soberistas.com. It’s geared more towards those in early sobriety but there is a community there.
Wow get you.. ! You are doing so great at 9 months.. what a shining light you are xxx
Thanks Mrs D! xxx
Aloha Soberjournalist,
It took me a while to figure out being young, single, and sober. I was 25 when I embarked on my journey, and it was HARD at that age. I had to do some major inventory in the social department, and some serious sole searching with my new self. Fast forward 9 years, live is great.
Rare Herb
That’s great to hear. I am nine months sober – you are nine years – your comment fills me with hope that some of the trickier stuff does get easier!
The trickier stuff becomes less tricky. I’d go as far as saying it becomes quite clear once you are viewing it with sober eyes and emotions. I was nursing a very broken heart, had lost all self-respect and dignity, but once sober, it became very easy to see I needed cut communication and move on. I had significant family issues I was avoiding, once sober, it became clear what I needed to do to deal with and move on from the issues.
You are 9 months, I am 9 years. I am more than happy to offer support and guidance through your journey, feel free to contact me via email anytime, should you need to.
PS – guess I didn’t check my spelling on the last post, lol!!
Totally inspiring stuff all round, including the readers’ comments. I’ve read the whole of your blog and saw so many uneasy reflections of myself and my behaviour, as regards alcohol, in your descriptions. I’m still very much at the “old me” stage so whatever inspiration I can find takes me a step closer, I hope, to finding a way to make the decisions I quite desperately need to make…..
It can take a while to come to the conclusion that you need to stop drinking. For me, it was when multiple attempts at moderation failed time and time again. What the blog doesn’t reflect is all my failed attempts at quitting in 2012. Last year I just got to a point when enough was enough. I’m sure you’ll get there too. Good luck.
Thanks very much for the reply :o) Just to fill in a bit more, imagine yourself not having done the amazing thing you’ve done and imagine yourself 20 years in the future, having continued in “old me” mode for all of that time…. That’s where I’m at right now. Soul-searching in a big way and wondering if I’ve got your kind of strength
I’m sure you have got the strength. Heavy drinkers are very strong people – you have to be in order to put up with the epic hangovers and go to work like nothing is wrong. Why not just go for it for a month? Devote 30 days to not drinking and educating yourself as much as you can, reading books, blogs, looking for support. If you don’t like it you can always go back… 🙂
Gray. You’ll know when the time is right for you. I was thinking about if for years. It was only when the voices in my head were telling me all day, every day, that I needed to stop drinking that first drink, that I finally gave in. I had to because it was all I was thinking about. Still now, everybody around me only thinks I’m doing it as part of a 100 day challenge. Google Belle’s 100 day challenge. A lot of seem to start with that.
Thank you Odaat :o) I think I know it’s time….. HIGH time
Hi Kate.
Your blog is great and well done on all you have achieved. My situation is perhaps a little different. My problem has been the need to drink relatively small small amounts every day to ‘de-stress’ with binges every couple of weekends. I feel like I have become psychologically addicted to ‘just a couple of whiskeys’ (alone) after work every night but then quite a lot more on weekends as well as the usual nights out binging. Things got really bad on New Year’s Eve / Day this year when I got so drunk I was vomiting and feeling like death for a full 24 hours after I stopped drinking, and it took 4 days for me to feel right again. I was worried I had given myself alcoholic poisoning.
I am not sure if becoming completely teetotal is what I should do, but I have decided to not drink for 30 days, and then after that period to never to drink alone again and to cut out binge drinking. I am not sure if I am kidding myself that this is what I should do when quitting altogether is really the right move. From reading your blogs what is clear to me is that this decision is something very personal and unique to everyone so we need to work it out for ourselves. As someone who has had issues with taking too many recreational drugs in the past I know I have slightly addictive tendencies.
Whatever path I choose, your blog has really been a relief to read and it has made me think about things in a different way to ever before. Thank you.
V.
V
All the best with your efforts. However the “never alone” or “never binge” sound like those rules that lots of us have tried and failed to stick to. Alcohol is something some of us just don’t handle well and cannot moderate. After 30 days why not just keeping going one day at a time. The prospect of never drinking again is scary, but the idea of not drinking today is OK. It is up to you though.
I am 4 weeks dry tomorrow. It has been hard at times, but on Saturday I went for a proper night out with 5 friends who were all drinking. I didn’t touch a drop, and had a really fun evening. It was the first time I began to believe it was possible to have a good social life without alcohol.
I presently have no desire to drink again in February. But realistically, one day at a time is the way forward.
I think that the fear of forever and the stress you’re self-medicating against is generated by the alcohol: that’s how the addiction manifests itself, it makes you believe you don’t want to live without it, even though you’re aware you’d like to, if only you thought it possible. It’s a massive conflict of interests. All I can say is the more space you put between you and alcohol, the more you realize that you simply no longer want it. When you genuinely don’t want it, the fear disappears and is replaced by gratitude and relief that you’re free. Gradually you think about it less and when you do think about it, it’s in a more objective way, until you’re just kind of thinking “yuck – why on earth?!!” I’m two months sober today, if you ignore the one month anniversary rum vomit-fest (what an idiotic idea that was), so not long at all, and I can tell you I don’t want to drink alcohol. I’m simply not interested. I felt the same when I was pregnant and thought that must be because of some biological imperative to nurture my baby, but now I realise that it was simply because stopping drinking beats the addiction, the desire is simply the manifestation of addiction, nothing more. Addiction is nothing to do with you having addictive tendencies either, simply that alcohol is an addictive drug. If you decided that heroin was a socially acceptable way to enjoy yourself, you’d probably become addicted to that too, just like most other normal humans. Stick with the 30 days, and after a couple of weeks start thinking about your options, especially the chance to be free, rather than looking forward to the chance to blow your brains out with booze. The freedom is amazing.
Hi Kate,
I too came across your blog via the BBC article. I’m not a drinker myself but my husband has really struggled with it for the past 2 years. He has been to AA and didn’t think it was for him but most recently read the Allen Carr book and attended the session.
I shared this blog with him and he said you really captured how he has been feeling and I honestly hope we are on the road to recovery now.
He’s a strong and talented person that doesn’t need alcohol to make him more interesting in social / work situations – I just hope he finds the tools to help him remember that in times when he is surrounded by drinkers.
Thank you for writing such an honest blog – if you could recommend a blog for the partners of those that struggle with alcohol I’d really appreciate it as I’m sure you know it affects those close to them a lot too.
Renu, If you can’t find a partner-support blog, you could always start your own blog and then watch partners flog to it.
Sorry, meant flock to it, not ‘flog’.
I’ve thought about it doing that before… Maybe I will!
Go for it. I’m sure it will help. I started my blog when I decided to give up drinking. It’s nowhere near as well-written as a lot of the blogs out there, but it gives me a sense of purpose and a place to voice my concerns, fears and achievements. It soothes me. You’ll soon find other people in similar positions and you can share experiences and build bonds…. and if you don’t like it, you can delete it. There’s nothing to lose.
Sorry to intrude on the thread but could somebody let me know the author and title of the book in which the notion of the “Wolf” was first introduced, please? I think I need to read it asap. Thanks in advance :o)
As far as I’m aware the wolf is just a term that Belle at tiredofdrinking uses, I haven’t heard it anywhere else.
Thank you, Kate (if I may)
I’ve already swapped a couple of messages with Belle (among others) today and am gravitating towards calling today ….. “day 1” …… but scared isn’t the word. Doesn’t even come close.
Hi, found your blog via the BBC website too and have read a few other sober blogs as a result (Belle’s blog is also great). All I can say is it’s been a revelation and for the first time I see that there may just be light at the end of the tunnel. Well done and thank you, you’re probably helping more people than you realise!
I read your article on the BBC website too – great stuff & I LOVED the video you shared at the end of this post. Really made me laugh so thank you 🙂
Wonderful stuff here Kate. You are an inspiration!
X
La la la! That is so wonderful. 🙂 Hugs and high fives!
Hey is there a party going on over here that no one told me about? Seems to be an awful lot of excitement coming from your blog, Kate, and I can certainly see why! Thank you for being a voice of recovery advocacy and a special thanks for mentioning my blog. It means a lot to hear the ways we have all helped one another. Such a beautiful thing. Xo
Ahh thank you so much for your lovely comment. I’ve really enjoyed hearing you on the Bubble Hour recently – keep up the good work! Kx
Kate I love this! So so proud of you. You’ve come so far! It is indeed totally inspiring! Xx
This is bloody brilliant advocacy,it’s a good article but it would have been a lot poorer without your experience and input. Multiple well dones! I am gratified you came back to the term alcoholic, too. I think some people manage to grasp branches earlier in their descent, but we are all scrabbling (or plummeting) down the same crevasse!
Thanks Kate. I’ve ordered Jason Vale’s book today on Amazon. I may need to order a book cover too! I’m not ready to share yet with my wife what i’m reading. Whilst she’ll be supportive i just want to do the research and get my thoughts together properly on my own. I owe myself this. Thanks again for a truly inspirational and helpful blog and everyone else who comments and blogs too.
I covered mine too, so I could read it at work! In the end, my husband’s support and obvious pride in his sober wife has really helped. Best of luck to you.
Thanks KT. That’s reassuring that i’m not alone with doing that. Book not arrived yet aaaggghhh! BTW i’m on day 16 and managed a day in London at Head Office today. Ordinarily i’d get roped in (quite easily) for a “session” and then maybe have a few more when i got home. I left Head Office early today and made sure i got on the train sober. I’m starting to feel awake/alert/alive for the first time in a long long time. 🙂
Hi Kate, I have been doing Dry Jan but went out on a date last night and drank way too much. Not to be disheartened, I have felt rough all day which makes me more determined to quit. Thank you again for your blog which I found through the BBC link. Dry February… Bring it on!!
Hi. I just wanted to let you know that your blog has helped me come to the decision to quit myself. I relate to so much of what you said and have had a recent episode that put me in hospital…in a foreign country. I was planning to travel for a year – I’ve been here two months and now I’m sorting out a flight home. I’ve just told my mum everything. Now’s the beginning! Thank you 🙂
Wow. I think you’ve made the right decision. Get yourself home and focus on getting better. If you need to chat my email is soberjournalist@gmail.com Good luck!
I found my way here via that BBC link. I have now been sober for 6 years after having a rather intense all-or-nothing relationships with alcohol. I tried the 12 step program in AA and it wasn’t for me, so I did much of it alone. Now I don’t miss alcohol and it does get easier. Well done, and thank you for writing this blog. It’s been my best find of 2014 so far.
Ahh thank you that’s kind of you to say! It’s very inspiring to hear from people like you, who’ve been sober for so long and are doing so well. Thanks for stopping by. Kx
Another BBC-referral here just to say thanks for sharing all your ups and downs through this. I’m 38, happily married with great kids, reasonably successful, and for the last decade and i half I’ve been telling myself I just binge drink more than average. Okay, maybe a lot more than average. Stressed? Socially awkward at a party? Big promotion? Have a drink! So here I am now 15 days sober looking at my drinking over the last several years realizing I too cannot drink like a normal person. I’ve tried – after two beers I end up miserably craving another six. So for my health, my family, my pocketbook, and for me I’m going to do this and make it work. Figuring out what to do on a Friday and Saturday night is seeming like a challenge, but there’s this whole awesome world out there. I can’t wait.
Hey James,
Well done for the fifteen days so far -keep it up, mate! 🙂
I found the first fortnight or so the hardest, so you’re over that hump at least.
Regarding Friday and Saturday nights, I’ve found that taking up a hobby has really, really helped -anything to take my mind off the so-called ‘fun’ I could be having whilst out drinking.
(…Which when I look back on it, it wasn’t really that much fun at all. And the mornings after certainly weren’t!)
Yes, there’s a whole totally awesome world out there. Enjoy!
Well done, you’re over the worst, you will become more objective and more elated to be free as time passes. You can still go out on a Friday and Saturday night you know, just find company that isn’t so pissed it’s pathetic and boring. You’re going to find that some of your old friends are really quite dull, but you’ll be able to enjoy a whole host of other stuff that requires a bit more concentration and you’ll never have to stand in a taxi queue dying for a pee ever again. Hurrah for that!
Hi Kate,
I am one of those people who ended up here after reading the BBC article ‘Almost Alcoholic’.
It’s good to be here because there aren’t enough blogs like yours on the web. It’s important that people who are struggling with alcohol get to connect with authentic people who are also going through their same struggles.
I wanted to say well done for reaching nine months with a drink. That’s quite an amazing achievement so have a pat on the back from me.
I understand how tough it can be to quit, after telling the whole world I would also quit each time I found myself puking in a bucket as I lay on the coach watching re-runs of the X Factor on Sky+. I always used to cry. Not sure if it was the show or the booze.
I was interested in your words when you touched on how great it was to feel sober. You said there were more things that you would like to add to that list?
I am curious.
What are the other things you would like to add to that list, but perhaps have not yet experienced them?
Keep up the good work. You are an inspiration.
Lee Davy
http://www.needyhelper.com
Hi Kate, I also read the article on the BBC and promised myself to look at your blog as the article made me realise that my struggle needs to be addressed after years of persuading myself that I am in control but knowing that I am not. I had counselling a few years ago to deal with one of the reasons why I drink, but have recently slipped backward.
I want to thank you for your honesty about emotion and behaviour and for being so brave in publishing the things that most of us deny and hide. It has also opened up this network of support and sharing that I didn’t know existed.
I am supposed to be searching for a job this morning (the distress of being unemployed doesn’t help) but I have instead read all of your postings and found myself crying at points as it could be me, although I am 20 years older. I am lucky to have a very supportive husband who understands why I over indulge, but reading your blog has made me realise that without him keeping a check on me, I wonder where I would be. I certainly now understand that I definitely am one of those that can’t just have one or two glasses, Alcohol allowed me an escape at first, made me mentally happy in dealing with unhappiness of the past. Now it is making me scared of my future.
Your words have given me inspiration to change. I am sure it is going to be tough but I am going to give myself a chance, I know I deserve it, it’s just making that doubting voice shut up and go away.
Thank you!
M
I’m your age, M and I’m now on Day 6 :o) Feeling really good about it and already feeling physically better than I have in a long while.
Pick your time and go for it when you’re ready :o)
That’s great! Well done!
When you’re unhappy about the amount you drink, that misery seeps into every corner of your life, stopping you from doing productive things, like job searching! I was always either thinking about my problem 24/7 or doing my best to block out all thoughts. I’m really pleased to hear you have been inspired by the blog. Stop drinking as soon as you’re ready, you won’t regret it.
Hey Kate,
I’ve been reading this blog since a few months after you started, and you’ve been a real inspiration to me. I’m in a similar situation to you: currently 29, realised things were getting out of control, wanted to get myself back on track before they got really bad. I’m on day four of Belle’s hundred-day challenge. I just started my own blog here in case you’re ever interested in another read.
Thanks for making me think.
E
Thanks for the encouragement, Kate. Feel free to look in on mine if/when you get the time/inclination! (It’s picking up a pace and, when all’s said and done, it’s only there because of you!) :o)
Hi Kate,
Just wanted to thank you for putting yourself out there for all of us. Your blog is inspiring and I just finished reading every post since April. Congratulations on coming this far and for staying inspired to continue. Thank you for the resources you share. Happy 2014 to you!
Thank you! Happy 2014 to you too.
My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web address and thought I should check things out.
I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward
to looking at your web page repeatedly.