I’m back. I had a great week away. The time went in a flash – after the first few days the rest seemed to slide into one another.
I spent a lot of time sunbathing and sleeping, but I also got up early for some pretty awesome runs along the coastline. I read lots. I ate ice cream. I sat in cafes, people watching. I had an internet break and only checked Facebook and email once. Most evenings I watched DVDs and caught up on the second season of Homeland. (I know – I must be the last person on the planet to see it.) In short, it was the break I needed.
Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post – it made me feel like less of a loser for going away on my own. Whilst I was on holiday I had time to reflect on how my life has changed since I stopped drinking, two and a bit months ago. I started thinking about the other things I want to do, so I made a list of goals – some big, some small:
1. Go to some AA meetings. As amazing as the sober blogosphere is – and the support on here really has been terrific – I would like a real life sober friend, one who lives in my town, someone I can talk to face to face. So maybe AA will help with that. I wrote off AA after a bad experience four years ago, but maybe I wasn’t ready then? It’s got to be worth another go, even if it’s just to decide that no, it really isn’t for me.
2. Stop watching EastEnders. It’s a stupid soap with ridiculous storylines. I watch it more out of habit than anything else and if I stop, I’d gain an extra two hours a week.
3. Find a good running club. I have a half marathon to do in September and I don’t think I can train for it alone.
4. Try online dating again. I keep hoping I will bump into Mr Right in the supermarket but it hasn’t happened yet. I wrote ‘go on at least four dates’ next to this (i.e do not give up after one bad date like you did last time)
5. Find a new job that doesn’t involve working nights. I’m not sure I can do them for much longer and stay sane (and sober). I am fed up with feeling tired so often.
Looking over this list, only one goal is really to do with staying sober. But they’re all linked to my sobriety in a way, because if I was still drinking I’d just be plodding on, doing the same thing day after day and wondering why better things didn’t happen to me. Part of me wants to do everything at once and get results right this second. But I think that’s the alcoholic part of my brain, demanding instant gratification and immediate results with minimum effort. So I am going to try and be patient and remember that some things don’t happen overnight …