Back home …

I’m back. I had a great week away. The time went in a flash – after the first few days the rest seemed to slide into one another.

I spent a lot of time sunbathing and sleeping, but I also got up early for some pretty awesome runs along the coastline. I read lots. I ate ice cream. I sat in cafes, people watching. I had an internet break and only checked Facebook and email once. Most evenings I watched DVDs and caught up on the second season of Homeland. (I know – I must be the last person on the planet to see it.) In short, it was the break I needed.

Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post – it made me feel like less of a loser for going away on my own. Whilst I was on holiday I had time to reflect on how my life has changed since I stopped drinking, two and a bit months ago. I started thinking about the other things I want to do, so I made a list of goals – some big, some small: 

1. Go to some AA meetings. As amazing as the sober blogosphere is – and the support on here really has been terrific – I would like a real life sober friend, one who lives in my town, someone I can talk to face to face. So maybe AA will help with that. I wrote off AA after a bad experience four years ago, but maybe I wasn’t ready then? It’s got to be worth another go, even if it’s just to decide that no, it really isn’t for me.

2. Stop watching EastEnders. It’s a stupid soap with ridiculous storylines. I watch it more out of habit than anything else and if I stop, I’d gain an extra two hours a week.

3. Find a good running club. I have a half marathon to do in September and I don’t think I can train for it alone.

4. Try online dating again. I keep hoping I will bump into Mr Right in the supermarket but it hasn’t happened yet. I wrote ‘go on at least four dates’ next to this (i.e do not give up after one bad date like you did last time)

5. Find a new job that doesn’t involve working nights. I’m not sure I can do them for much longer and stay sane (and sober). I am fed up with feeling tired so often. 

Looking over this list, only one goal is really to do with staying sober. But they’re all linked to my sobriety in a way, because if I was still drinking I’d just be plodding on, doing the same thing day after day and wondering why better things didn’t happen to me. Part of me wants to do everything at once and get results right this second. But I think that’s the alcoholic part of my brain, demanding instant gratification and immediate results with minimum effort. So I am going to try and be patient and remember that some things don’t happen overnight …

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11 thoughts on “Back home …

  1. carrythemessage June 13, 2013 at 8:32 pm Reply

    Welcome back!

    Yup, one of your goals has to do with sobriety, but everything else falls from that, doesn’t it? We don’t change overnight, but maintaining our spiritual and mental and physical conditions certainly makes everything go smoother, doesn’t it? 🙂

    The idea of being “burned” by AA and by the dating and you going back seems to show that you’re in a different place, and that certainly can be an indication of some growth, insight and willingness…indispensable in recovery (along with action)! So I am very happy to see that you’re willing to do these things – getting out there and active – wonderful!

    Great to see you back,

    Paul

  2. Lilly June 14, 2013 at 2:02 am Reply

    Yay! Glad you had a great holiday!

    And this bit made me laugh a bit as that’s pretty much what one of my recent posts was all about:

    “Part of me wants to do everything at once and get results right this second. But I think that’s the alcoholic part of my brain, demanding instant gratification and immediate results with minimum effort. So I am going to try and be patient and remember that some things don’t happen overnight …”

    On which note, the internet dating, yeah, me too. Only I do worry about sobriety and dating and don’t want to put myself at risk. I guess especially as the time I went 80 days it was on a first date I decided to say ‘fuck it’ and have a drink, in part to deal with dating nerves. I guess I could as easily have had a drink anytime but I’m not sure how to deal with the whole topic dating and kind of just dont’ want to right now. On the other hand, as you say, I’m not going to meet anyone in my living room either… If you have any thoughts on this or you do it and it goes well, I’d love to hear about it!

    Welcome back!

    • soberjournalist June 14, 2013 at 9:09 am Reply

      Ha ha yes I see you’ve been writing about the same thing!
      I share your concerns about the dating, but I’m a bit fed up with being single at the moment. I think I’ve done too much sitting at home alone since I stopped drinking. Like I’m scared to go out or something. Still, I keep thinking about that awkward start of a date when you’re both a bit uncomfortable and have to make polite chit chat?! I know I might want to drink then. If I do find the nerve to go on any dates I am going to try and arrange them at lunch time, or at venues that aren’t bars, so the focus isn’t entirely on drinking (or not drinking in my case). I’ll let you know how it goes!

  3. soberrella June 14, 2013 at 10:36 am Reply

    Welcome home. I’ve missed your posts. Looks like you spent a bit of time thinking things through and setting some goals. Great place to be looking forward to tomorrow and the day after that.
    Soberrella

  4. christinawoods June 14, 2013 at 11:25 am Reply

    So glad you posted, was wondering how you were doing. And I am happy to see that you are doing good! Love the list.

  5. byebyebeer June 14, 2013 at 4:21 pm Reply

    Your vacation sounds like heaven! Love the goal list as well.

  6. Belle June 15, 2013 at 6:40 pm Reply

    🙂 you may need to change your dating goal to: go on 10 dates. and you can make them coffee dates (shorter, less expensive, less pressure, easier to get up and leave after 45 minutes when it’s clearly not working). how do i know all this? umm… reasons …

    • soberjournalist June 16, 2013 at 6:51 am Reply

      Ha ha I think you may be right – I was reading a blog called 52 first dates today – she went on a date every week for a year and still didn’t meet anyone nice!

  7. Mrs D June 16, 2013 at 5:09 am Reply

    I was just wondering when you were back! Great to hear from you. Love the goals. Don’t forget number 6. Be kind and gentle to myself always….

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