A big fat slap in the face

I guess I had it coming. My first three days sober were so easy. Suspiciously so. But these last two days? So tough. 

It’s not surprising really – I quite often go three days without a drink. Two or three days is about how long the guilt and remorse from the last big session plays on my mind for. Then I forget all about it and wine is my best friend again.

Yesterday I went back to work for the first time since I stopped drinking. I don’t work regular hours – I work shifts. They’re 12 hours long and pretty stressful. By the time I get home I’m still wired.

Nothing would help me decompress better than an entire bottle of white wine. Wine and some crap telly would just flick that off switch. Precious ‘me’ time after a busy day.

These are the thoughts swirling round my head today. But I am not going to drink. I am NOT. If I drink a bottle of wine I will wake up on the sofa at 2am. I will crawl into bed for a few hours and then wake up again, tired and dehydrated at 5am. I will have to go to work hungover and sit in the morning meeting wondering if anyone can tell. I will struggle to do my job. I will eat crap all day and then drink again as a reward for getting through the day.

So that is why I’m not going to drink tonight.

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8 thoughts on “A big fat slap in the face

  1. Lilly April 11, 2013 at 3:30 am Reply

    Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. It gets easier – I promise. The first week or so is a hurdle and then not drinking starts to become a new habit and also the alcohol has exited your system so cravings diminish and you start to feel better. Keep blogging. Keep reminding yourself why you are NOT drinking.

    Lilly xo

  2. Mrs D April 11, 2013 at 8:28 am Reply

    What Lilly said. Write out some of the worst shockers you’ve experienced when drinking. Honestly – we don’t need that shit in our bodies, stressing our organs, blurring our minds, squashing down our emotions and distracting us from real life. Your sober evenings will become much lovelier I promise.. and you NEVER wake up regretting NOT drinking the night before…! xxx

  3. carrythemessage April 11, 2013 at 2:58 pm Reply

    It’s not easy, early on. Those thoughts will swarm around you like flies. We rarely remember how bad it is – our alcoholism likes to tell us things really weren’t that bad, etc. Dismiss the thoughts – thoughts aren’t reality. Just because we think something doesn’t make it true.

    Blessings,
    Paul

  4. sobermagpie October 5, 2013 at 8:27 pm Reply

    Oh my goodness….I so identify with this…day three can be really shitty but I’m going to get past it! Thanks so much…..you are one of my lifelines at the moment. Namaste x

  5. sobermagpie October 5, 2013 at 8:28 pm Reply

    Mrs D…you are so right…you never waken up in the morning regretting not having a drink the night before 🙂

  6. denefi October 27, 2013 at 11:06 pm Reply

    Thanks for writing all of this. I’ve ‘stopped’ drinking more times than I can count, and typically make it until the memory and self imposed shame fall away a bit… 3-6 days or so. I’m not one to get crazy drunk, but will sit back and have 4 or 5 strong drinks by myself while watching tv out of boredom.

    On day 2 now and hoping to stick to it this time. I went to an AA meeting to support my sister (she’s a couple years sober) and it didn’t really click for me. Yours is the first blog I’ve come across, and it’s been helpful so far.

    Quick aside – toughest problem I have so far is that I’m typically pretty social and I feel like I basically have to say ‘no’ to everything coming up until either (a) I’ve gotten this to stick, or (b) I’m just drinking regularly again. I’ve fallen in the trap of hanging out with friends who are drinking and not, saying that I’ve stopped, only to start up again. I hate going back and forth like a yo-yo.

    Thanks again,

    D

    • soberjournalist October 28, 2013 at 12:15 am Reply

      It sounds like we have a lot in common. I did most of my drinking on my own and lost count of the number of times I quit. No matter how ashamed or embarrassed I felt about the things I’d done (whilst drunk) after a while I’d just forget about them and would find a reason to drink again.

      They say the definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. If you are going to stop drinking for good you are going to need some support -it’s very hard to do it on your own. Some people find that help through AA, others – like myself – go online.

      I understand exactly what you’re saying about the social aspect, I really do. It’s tough to start with but it does get easier. I avoided certain events to begin with until I felt sure of myself. For what it’s worth, my advice would be to try and stay sober for 100 days. I took part in this 100 day challenge:

      http://tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com/2013/03/14/100-day-challenge/

      It helped me no end. 100 days is doable but at the same time it’s long enough to get you to reassess your relationship with alcohol. You can go back to drinking at the end of the 100 days – but I bet you won’t!

  7. denefi October 28, 2013 at 4:20 am Reply

    Thanks! I sent along my first email for the 100 day challenge and will work toward that.

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