Old me vs New me

The old me (it may only be Day 3 but yes that’s what we’re calling drunk Kate nowadays) would have been tempted to have a drink last night. I couldn’t be bothered to cook and in the past this would have meant going to the corner shop for something I could just shove in the oven. Old me would have thought, “oh right, we’re being lazy tonight are we? Well let’s make a proper night of it and get some WINE!” And I would have walked home with oven chips or a pizza, wine, and probably a beer or some pathetic mixer in a can just in case the bottle didn’t quite hit the spot. (It never did)

Instead, new me defrosted some lasagne lurking at the back of the freezer. Rock and roll. And as I didn’t have to cook I decided to give my flat a good clean. Now, I know you don’t really know me, but that is quite unusual behaviour – a) cleaning and b) spending a Sunday afternoon doing it. I’ve always liked having a nice flat but I hate, hate, hate having to actually clean or tidy it myself.

Old me would have woken up with a headache and a swollen stomach. Alcohol always bloated me terribly. What made it worse was all the food I used to eat. After I’d finally had my fill of drink, somehow a normal sized portion of food never quite hit the spot. So I would have seconds, probably followed by something else altogether, a dessert and then maybe later I’d go back to the kitchen again.

Old me would have spent the first half of today in bed. If I was feeling really sorry for myself I’d probably drink tonight as well. But NEW me has been very productive. I’ve had the day off work but still got up early – it’s so sunny at the moment – sorted out some paperwork. Went to the gym and did my favourite class. Went to the dentist. Did some ironing listening to the Bubble Hour.

Maybe it’s just because the sun’s out but today, all feels surprisingly ok.

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15 thoughts on “Old me vs New me

  1. Amy April 8, 2013 at 10:21 pm Reply

    Hi! Welcome to the sober blog world. It’s full of awesome people. 🙂

    Feel free to email me if you need another way to vent. parrish.family.3@gmail.com

    Also, my dear sober friend Belle over at http://tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com/ has a 100 day challenge going. She’ll let you join. 🙂

    Keep on keepin’ sober. The first days are hard, but you can do hard things. It’s worth it, I promise. Promise.

    Amy

    • soberjournalist April 8, 2013 at 11:07 pm Reply

      Hi Amy,
      Thanks so much for your comment and your blog – when I found it I sat down and read it from start to finish.
      It’s so nice to know there are other people out there who’ve been through this.
      I’m definitely signing up for the 100 day challenge…!
      Kate

  2. carrie April 8, 2013 at 10:52 pm Reply

    Hi Kate,
    Well done for taking the first steps. Keep talking, that’s the key.
    Good luck.
    Carrie

  3. Mrs D April 9, 2013 at 3:18 am Reply

    Yay for day 3!! So great you’ve decided to take the leap and go the sober-living route. Go gently and write out everything that is going on.. you’re in for a roller-coaster ride but it is so worth it. xxxx

    • soberjournalist April 9, 2013 at 12:54 pm Reply

      Thank you – I promise to keep writing down my random thoughts/doubts/cravings – got to make sobriety work this time! x

  4. Lilly April 9, 2013 at 4:21 am Reply

    And I was just coming over to check you know about Team 100 but the others beat me to it. Welcome! Another sober journo over here. It’s a bit of an oxymoron isn’t it…

    Can I say also, I am several years older than you and I wish I’d had the sense to quit at 30. Looking back my drinking was clearly a big problem even then but I had ZERO thoughts of quitting. When any thoughts about it arose I just blocked them out with more wine. So, good for you, you won’t regret it I promise. I can safely say that 90% of my poor choices during my 30s have been the result of drink and I certainly wonder where I might be if I had stopped much sooner. That said, what keeps me going now is not wanting to be wondering that at 40, 45, 50…

    You can do it!

    Lilly xo

  5. soberjournalist April 9, 2013 at 1:30 pm Reply

    Thanks Lilly – what is it about journos and drink?!

    There is still a little voice in my head that says “but your drinking could be worse… it’s not as bad as so-and-so” So it’s reassuring to hear you say that you wish you’d quit earlier. The more sensible part of me realises it’s easier to quit sooner rather than later.

    Kate x

  6. Belle (Tired2012) April 9, 2013 at 3:54 pm Reply

    the old me would have 2 beers, 2 glasses of wine, a shot of something sweet … and would eat potatoes for dinner. just potatoes. nothing else. I considered it a ‘treat’. Really? Now, like you, a treat is a clean house, a good book, a bath with candles, and a good night’s sleep … really? potatoes?

    • soberjournalist April 9, 2013 at 8:37 pm Reply

      Can’t believe you thought potatoes were a treat! It seems crazy now but I guess it just goes to show how alcohol warps your idea of what’s normal.

  7. Amy April 9, 2013 at 10:09 pm Reply

    And my potatoes would have been in vodka. 😉

  8. carrythemessage April 10, 2013 at 5:44 am Reply

    Hi Kate – welcome to the sober blogging community. Obviously you have met many of the welcoming committee. I am fairly new at it as well, but the people I have “met” here are just as “real” and important to me as those I have around me in my own life. They help keep me sober too. You help keep me sober, as well, by reading *your* story and identifying and just seeing how much we are all the same – in our ways of thinking, our emotions, our behaviours, our inner life. Nothing carries more weight and depth than one alcoholic talking to another – we *get* one another, don’t we? And that’s pretty cool, as we learn from and lean on one another and go through this thing together, not alone. We are no longer alone. And drinking brought me to very dark, lonely places. And now there is light and love.

    Congrats on your three days. It’s the beginning of a new journey, a journey that will twist and turn, and will reveal more and more the longer you are on it. Like Mrs D says – it will be a roller coaster. Emotionally, we are all over the place at first, and that levels out eventually. But it’s just something almost all of us go through. it’s just our brains, bodies and emotions learning to re-calibrate and re-adjust after the beating they have taken with the drinking. Old you slowly transforming to new you. Take heed from the women that you have already connected with. They’re not going anywhere. It’s a tight group, and they will show you the bumps up ahead and love ya and shake you along the way, to keep both your feet on the ground. It’s a pleasure watching the group, especially doing the 100 day challenge.

    I look forward in reading your blog – I have already enjoyed what you’ve started here for yourself. You will find it rewarding, it keeps you honest, and deepens connections to those you cross paths with.

    Blessings,
    Paul

    • soberjournalist April 10, 2013 at 1:29 pm Reply

      Hi Paul – thank you so much for your comment and good advice. It’s lovely to see a man on here too!

  9. Deborah September 14, 2015 at 3:09 pm Reply

    Hi there

    Was told about your blog from a friend yesterday. I am trying not to drink for one month starting today after realizing how much I like it and do it, specifically since meeting a new friend who likes it more than me!!!.
    I have actually been really worried about stopping and find that quiet fascinating. I have fear about doing this and that is what alarms me.
    Well, I woke up at 8 and even though I would not have a drink till late afternoon/evening I have thought about it all day.
    Day 1……………………………………..

    • soberjournalist September 14, 2015 at 4:52 pm Reply

      Hi Deborah – wishing you good luck! I don’t post on this blog anymore but you can find me at thesoberschool.com

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